Oops... forgot one. More cut and paste

So after writing my first "note" I've really just been itching to keep writing... and at first I was trying to hold off, and space them out and then I wondered why... since I write them for me anyway and I have the urge to write... I'm going to write.


I've really been intrigued by my previous blog posts, and I've read through them again a few times, and for whatever reason the words speak to me.  I guess in a toned down sort of way I feel like I'm on a similar journey sometimes.  Not the turmoil and lost feeling I had before, but more of a new reinvention of myself.  My life has been pretty consistent for the past five years, so on the outset it appears to have nothing in common with the constant changes in my life of the past.  But... that's not entirely true.  These days I'm comfortable in my marriage; I'm the mom to all the kids I will ever have (presumably) and I'm settled into a job that I love.  Somehow all of these NON changes have ignited a little fire in my to further define who I am... as a mom, a wife, a nurse... and ultimately as me.  Although, I've never really felt like I lost myself again, I have felt as though all the positive changes that occurred had a similar effect on the view I had of myself... it lost definition and the edges became blurred to me.  Why now?  I don't know, but seems now I'm ready to redfine how "I" fit into all of my roles.

So what little passages were speaking to me?  well, here's a little sampling of a few... and even though they emerged from a darker place in my life, and from several different places for that matter, they still have meaning and depth and insight that I think is leading me down a path of further definition of myself.



Here's to living life one day at time, doing your best to make the best out of it, and even if you really don't know what you WANT, at least be clear on what you don't want and all the rest will fall into place.

The people that are all around who like me, and most importantly love me just because I am me.  They help me pull that lost, yet true, identity back to the surface.


I have come to realize that "home" is where your soul is at peace.  Although there will always be inner turmoil, environmental stress and truly bad days, there is something to be said about being at ease with yourself and the unwavering support of your "family" when you find your niche in the world.


My prayer today is that everyone I care about finds their "home" and that I don't lose faith that I have truly found mine and all the implications that come with it.


Realizing that I am truly an extroverted person I know now that much of my current happiness can be attributed to the fact that I have afforded myself so many more opportunities to recharge my energy since changing my environment.  Its hard to be happy when your listless with no energy and for the extroverts of the world... its truly hard to have energy when you never leave your house and your person to person interactions are limited.  Spending time outside of my house, outside of myself and interacting with so many interesting people has boosted my energy so that I now have the energy to be an interactive mom, and to (in a nutshell) spend so much less time on the computer, watching TV, being beige.... 

Cut and Paste...

Hmm... so what exactly is this "note" part of Facebook...is this like my personal blog space that I just realized I missed from my old MySpace days? I just recently logged back into my MySpace account... looked at some old pictures, some old friends, and they there they were... my old blogs. So I decided that I should read through them. I discovered that I forgot I'm really a pretty good writer. Not to toot my own horn, but I am :) I also discovered that some of those really good blog posts (at least in my opinion) were born out of some very dramatic and turmoil filled days in my life. I was brought down memory lane on some very sore subjects, but was also able to realize how cathartic that writing was for me. It's always interesting to see how many views I had on my posts, sometimes upward of 75+... which is kind of weird to me. Why on earth would 75 people want to read my ramblings about introspection and wondering... but I guess that's for them to determine. I wrote those blogs mostly for me... for a place to cryptically vent my inner turmoil and pain mostly, but also my curiosities, introspections and just random general observations of the world. My husband is always telling me to do something for me.... maybe this is the something for me I've been looking for... granted sitting in front of a computer screen away from my family might not be the best choice, but I think I'll give it a try, I'll try to find a happy medium in carving out a few minutes of time for me, without neglecting them. Like I said before, it seems a little bit like a personal journal to me, and I HATE journaling. I've never really done it, except when it was trendy when I was preteen/early teen but never for more than a few months at a time... something about a potential audience or telling my stories and thoughts to an actual person makes it more appealing... even if that audience isn't real :) So here, I go, trying something new... or old as the case may be. And I think its not just the writing and composing that I enjoy, but the typing as well... somehow it's soothing... maybe it takes me back to my early college days... yup total computer nerd girl here, loved to irc chat with lots of my friends... and I'm pretty sure that's where I learned to type so fast. Plus I just like to go back and read my own writing... lame I know.. and maybe a little on the obnoxious side, but hey we do what works for us right?
When I was reading some of my old blogs, I came across a few that were very moving to me, even now. They brought me back to a place where I remember every detail of how I was feeling, but they also brought a lot of perspective to my life now. There were also some good lessons in there, that retrospectively make so much sense, especially when you know the context of what was happening in my life at those times.... there are lots of people I know, going through lots of stuff right now that I want to share those words with! So, I think I will cut and paste some of those excerpts, and I hopefully the people in my imaginary audience will find them and realize they are for them.... naw, I'll be more proactive than that... I'lll make sure they see them.
Well here's to a new adventure and time filler for me, in a world all ready full of too little time... but we'll see how it goes!

Here we go...

So after the ponderings I had and the posting of my "notes" on Facebook, I really started to do a little more thinking about this whole blogging bit.  In my crazy life of mom, wife, nurse, sister, friend etc... that thinking took much longer than I anticipated...nothing happens quickly or easily these days.  It's been nearly a month since I wrote my last note.  Mostly I wondered if I should keep on posting just my notes on Facebook, or if I should find a more suitable "blogging" space.  I guess it's taken me until now to decide I don't like the lay out of doing it in Facebook.  So here I am, with my new blog space.  We'll see how it goes, I have a million thoughts and ideas that run through my head everyday and I wonder if I can make them into some kind of prose worth reading... but with all my curiosities, I just keep coming back to the idea that really the words are for me... and if people want to read them, I'm happy to have them follow along... so the bottom line becomes... write.  Whatever I want.  Whenever I want.  Because ultimately the time is for me, the words are for me and what I get out of it is the most important thing.

Once again I'm going to cut and paste from the old space to make posts here in the new space.  But that's for me too.  I want some of those words to be accessible to me... so they have to follow me as I jump around.  Again I say, we'll just see how it goes... how much time I will really allow and/or force myself to take on this new adventure of mine... and can I really manage to sort through and stop that whirlwhind of a thought process that is my brain everyday to somehow manage to get them down on paper... or in this case a screen :)

One thing I do remember... I love ellipses :) .........